On a hot and sticky day last June, I moved into Sophia community, carrying my bags up the stairs to my new room on the third floor. Now it’s slick and frozen outside, and I’ve lived here for nearly seven months. I’m starting to settle into the rhythms and routines of the Quaker house; it’s feeling more and more like home.

I had lived in other intentional communities before I moved in, so had a general idea of what community life entails and what to expect. However, I had never lived in a well-established community that’s been around for over 30 years. I admired this and also felt a bit intimidated: Will there be unspoken expectations I won’t know about? Will the community be open to new ideas or feedback? Will I fit in?

Luckily, Sophia community has had lots of experience welcoming new residents. I went through a detailed on-boarding process, where two residents met with me every few weeks to answer questions, talk about how life was going here, and show me the ropes. Many of the expectations, like the community covenant and agreements, were typed out and talked through, and I got everything printed out for me in a binder, which I appreciated (“Clear is kind,” as Brene Brown has said!). It helped to be able to ask questions about things I observed or noticed or was confused about. Also, I got to hear some stories about why things are the way they are—there’s a reason for everything!

In the weeks after I moved in, each person set up a “date” for a 1:1 outing with me to get to know each other better, which was a lot of fun and helped me feel more comfortable.

One of Sophia community’s traditions is a yearly New Years Day brunch, which we held last week. A lot of previous community members came, and it was really sweet to see all the friendship and reconnection among people who have called this place home.

Another tradition is that the community offers a birthday dinner and prayer for every resident around their birthday. Mine was last Sunday, and during prayer, my communitymates went around and shared a wish and hope for me in the coming year. Even though I haven’t been living here very long, I felt affirmed and seen for my gifts and for who I am. Because we have shared values, despite differences and conflicts that arise, there is a general air of respect and grace here that I sense is one of the glues that has held the community together all these years.

Being newer, I’ve found it helpful to balance a posture of curiosity and openness while also not being afraid to share my thoughts or ideas. As the Sophia community mission statement says, we are “called together to create a home.” As I water the plants and do chores and share meals, I honor all the work that has gone into sustaining this community, and I’m grateful to be creating this home too.

Cassidy